The Unrequited Essence of Not Breathing by P.A.Levy

i was already dead inside
when i considered committing suicide for
the first time

until a do-good samaritan up to no
good found me weighted
on a bridge
she said her name was codeine
with razor sharp loathsomeness i called her
slut
using a car battery attached to nipple clamps
she shocked my heart

defibrillated
she fucked life back into me
rode the throb of a pulse to the impact
of a car crash

i went down on codeine
washed away the bitter after taste with kerosene
i asked her if she fancied playing
with knives
share a self harm game of
cutting peep holes in our skin
glimpse inside our rib cages
see the beat within

but she said
not tonight luv i’ve got a headache
turn over and swallow sleep